The Czech-French-Lithuanian Connection

Last summer me, Mila, and two other guys went to the Baltic states by a car. In Lithuania we met a friendly and like-minded guy, Evaldas Semiotas, who accepted our invitation to Ceske Budejovice this summer. That’s how this story begins…

But let me look back a bit one more time. During our trip through the Baltic states, even though it was an amazing experience, we were feeling unhappy about one thing: we hadn’t got in touch with local people, except saying some useful phrases (laba diena, head aega, sveiks). Not mentioning Pepa’s deprivation (he’s one of „the other guys“) who desired to lay down some pretty Baltic girl but finally the only pussy he saw was the Estonian city of Kunda.

So we made a tactical briefing – we had only one night, the objective was clear. The conclusions were: stay in Kaunas for the night, visit a local club (styled as the ones we visit at home), get drunk, let the evening flow and see what will happen. Yep, it happened. We bumpend into Evaldas; actually, not only Evka, we talked to almost everyone in the pub, which could easily happen when you get „honestly“ drunk – sorry abstinents, but you really lose something here. To make the story short: we spent quality time with Lithuaninas during the evening and the following day’s lunch.

Left to right: me (in Baltic states known as Doctor Pussy, Pepa (a.k.a. Captain Cumshot, Míla (a.k.a. Frank Buquoy and Míra (a.k.a. Engineer).

As such, we were happy to meet Evka and his friends again. And, yeah, one more reason. Have you ever been to Lithuania? Incredible country. There’s the biggest concentration of nice girls per square meter in the world, no kidding. Every friend (even female friends!) who has been there confirmed our observation. When we were there we renamed Lithuania to The country of the King Miroslav; not me but that Miroslav who ruled the country in a Czech fairy tale where everyone was totally happy. So, one more little tiny reason why we were looking forward to Evka’s expedition (they were coming from Serbian festival Guca and that’s another long story) was the expectation of Lithuanian girls (nothing sexual here; that was the feeling of admirers of the woman’s beauty). The observation was right: in expedition were Vajda and Vilma, one deeply-eyed, one crazy in the right way, both pretty and great.

First car with Evka, his cousin Vajda and her boyfriend Ramas came on 13th morning. Evaldas has the heart of traveller and world observer; after 2 hour we together joined Mila, Pepa & Mira (not me, Mira Papacek, the last crewman from our last year’s trip). Vajda with Ramas got a rest at my home. Eventually, Evka was the only member of expedition who saw Ceské Budejovice. And because Mila is an amateur historian, he learned a lot (questions just for Budweisers: do you know when the city was founded? why the Black tower is called black? where the crown jewels were hidden during the Saxon occupation of Prague in 1631–1633? when the Samson fountain will be filled by beer?).

Then a quick shock: we tasted the best beer in the world (you KNOW which one is it) in Masne kramy (a restaurant), then moved to Literarni kavarna (supposedly it’s a cafe, in fact it’s a beerhouse) to taste the worst beer in the world. Even if it’s unimaginable, Evka likes that one too. Chickens for a dinner followed – prepared by Ramas with Vajda; I don’t cook, so the rest (me and Evka) got some sleep. Then a night in our favourite club – The Black Camel.

It seemed to be a lazy Wednesday evening but it turned into a fairly good one. We went to bed between 2 and 3 am. Not much time to sleep. I woke up after four hours, realized that 3 new guys appeared: Vilma with Nicholas andSebastien, two French guys. Since this moment, it has been a Czech-French-Lithuanian connection.

The new guys turned up to be a tough ones, sleeping 2 or 3 hours they joined our Thursday programme; the 11th member of our crew was Kristyna, our Czech friend. We moved by a bus to the place called U Fika (there were just a short stop in Cesky Krumlov for Mila to take a crap), ordered beers & yogurts for breakfest and waited for our rafts. They arrived after just enough time for Pepa to drink his first bottle of wine. I bought a sunscreen called Nubian, protective factor 5 (!; do you see a pun in the name?). We put Lithuanian flag at a flagship’s prow (the one with the captain cumshot, I mean Pepa, on board) and… were about to boldly go where no man has gone before, to boldly explore as many Tankstellen as possible, to boldly drink as many beers as possible. Ahm.

Funny, I should describe the best part now and I don’t know how. Floating down the river with sun shining on your head, going through the places with greenness all around, having friends in the same mood next to you, having a few beers inside your blood (and a few shots of Slivovice too)… it’s almost incommunicable feeling. Okay, let the photos talk for me.

During our voyage we sang a lot: lumberjack song (see the end of the article), drinking songs, Balkan songs. What more, we yelled plenty of georgia-supportive slogans and decidet to invent new drink, Georgia libre. I always feel some sort of understanding and brotherhood feeling with nations who experienced the weight of Russian shoe. When we speak about Lithuania or Baltic states generally – have you known about Forest brothers? (Mila will write something about them soon.) We should keep on reminding this sort of memories. The more I talk to to the Czech people of my age, the more I feel that need. On the river we were also celebrating the win of Lithuanian basketball players over the evil side. They beated Chinese as well. That’s almost everything I know about Olympics because me and Mila… we have (independently) decided to set personal informational embargo on this sad games.

This blog has been slowly turning into anti-communist & pro-democratic platform recently. May it put most of our readers off. I don’t care that much. I fear the hordes of idiots who doesn’t know what had been happening few years ago. I fear the hordes of idiots who doesn’t know on which values their country is built.

And this is basically the end of the story. The following day I copied from Evaldas 2 CDs, both full of Balkan music (guess what I’m listening to now), whole gang woke up through the morning, moved to „cafe“ across the street for a good-bye-and-thanks-for-all-the-fish drink and… that’s it.

Hope to see you soon again, guys!

autor Miroslav Kalous

původně vyšlo na dvojblogu MílaMíra.cz